LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell

EPISODE 329: Update With Bethany Vaughn

Bethany's husband, Paul, has now received his sentence for seeking to save babies at an abortion clinic. I talked with Bethany today about this update. I previously shared their story in podcasts 277 and 278.

Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, Life to The Full, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.

Nancy Campbell: Hello, ladies! Now today I have someone new with me, Bethany Vaughn. Bethany is the mother of 11 children. The last time we spoke, Bethany, you had eight grandchildren. Do you still have eight?

Bethany: Actually, nine. A newborn a few weeks ago. So nine, and two more are on the way.

Nancy: Wonderful! Isn’t it exciting when you're a big family? It never becomes stagnant. It’s always growing. It’s the same with us. We have over 50 grandchildren, and currently we have 28 great-grandchildren! Isn’t that amazing? And five more on the way. We had one more born last week. That was Chalice, Serene’s daughter. She now has three little girls, all close together. She is such a wonderful mother.

But it’s so exciting. You never have to get bored. I can’t imagine life in a family of two children. They grow up, and sadly today, many of these in two-child families grow up without a vision for family. They delay marriage, and then they get married, and then they are delaying childbearing.

And there are the poor parents, waiting, waiting for grandchildren. It’s not meant to be that way. We’re actually meant to have the children God wants us to have until we can’t have anymore, which is when we reach menopause. But then, oh, then the grandchildren start coming on. It’s the way of life, the way God intends it to. And it’s so exciting.

Although Bethany is here with me today, and I said I have someone new, Bethany did two podcasts with me quite some time ago. I can’t remember when, but the podcasts were 277 and 278. You’ll be able to go back and catch up if you missed those because that was when Bethany told her horrific story of how one morning they were woken up by guns and bangs. It was the FBI coming to kidnap her husband.

We won’t be telling that story again, but it’s there. You can go back and listen to it. They arrested her husband, Paul because about, wasn’t it 18 months previously, he had been involved in standing up at an abortion clinic. Standing for life, which, of course, means standing for God. Standing on God’s side, because God is the giver of life.

Well, life went on, and it was 18 months later that suddenly they were arrested. There was the FBI at their door, kidnapping her husband, taking him away. She didn’t even know what for. But anyway, you’ll be able to go back and hear that on those podcasts.

But now, time has gone on, and we’re going to hear what has happened now. You had your sentencing. They were hoping to sentence Paul for up to ten years in prison, but God was very good. You can tell the story, Bethany.

Bethany: 21 months after the FBI raid, we finally got to the sentencing date. The trial had been in January. He was found guilty. Six months later they scheduled the sentencing in July. A lot of stress going into that, but the Lord’s peace and his comfort definitely surrounded our family.

Nancy: That must have been a big thing though, Bethany, for you as a wife, and all your children. Waiting, waiting, wondering, “Are they going to take your husband and this father away for up to ten years?”

Bethany: We, as well as the lawyers, were expecting at least some prison time. We didn’t know how much. We knew it could be up to ten years. It was a day. It was a day. We able to get through the sentencing.

The judge considered the pre-sentencing report that had gone and that recommended a certain amount of jail time. The prosecution was recommending a certain amount of jail time. And then, he and the other defendants received hundreds of support letters that went to the judge. She said that she did consider the support letters, the letters requesting leniency, letters from family, friends, and people from all over the country.

Even our state senator and our state representative had submitted a letter to the judge requesting leniency and attesting to his good character. She sentenced him to three years’ supervised release, with the first six months on house arrest. And no fine or court costs. We were facing hundreds of thousands in fines. She had determined that we couldn’t pay the fine anyway, so there was no use in giving a fine.

I had a lot of questions. A lot of people have asked, “Oh, at that moment, did you feel such great relief? Finally, it’s over.” I would say that I am grateful that he did not receive a prison term. It was a mercy. However, it still was not justice. What it did that day was just clarify that the battle would be fought from our home base and not from a distant prison. That definitely was a mercy.

Nancy: Tell us. You had loads of people filling the courthouse that day, didn’t you?

Bethany: Yes, we walked up to that big federal courthouse in Nashville and there were hundreds of Christians outside singing and praying. We also ran into about seven or eight pro-aborts that were standing there with their signs that said, “Lock them up!” One of the signs actually had my husband’s name on it. They were very angry. Paul actually used that as an opportunity to speak to them and share the gospel with them.

Then we went into the courthouse. They had opened two courtrooms. They had us in one courtroom and they had an overflow courtroom because there were so many people there. That was in one day.

Nancy: That must have also affected them, to see all these people there. Not people there protesting, but people singing hymns and glorifying the Lord.

Bethany: Yes, yes. Moms and dads and children. We were so grateful for the support and the prayers and the love that we’d been shown through this.

Nancy: So, actually, there were ten people who were there for sentencing, weren’t there?

Bethany: There were ten people indicted. There were 11 people indicted; one had turned and testified against the other ten. There were six felonies, so six were charged with FACE (The Freedom of Access to Clinic Entrances Act). They were charged with conspiracy.

My husband was one of those. Then there were four misdemeanors that were just charged with FACE. Those are still in the process of being sentenced. They don’t sentence you all at one time. They pick them one at a time and sentence them. There are still, I think, out of this group, two who are scheduled to be sentenced very soon.

Nancy: Those two received house arrest, but only one prison time.

Bethany: Most of them received a similar sentence to my husband. There is one that did receive six months in prison. He will be checking in pretty soon, in October.

Nancy: And all of this is just for standing up for life.

Bethany: Yes.

Nancy: Which you have been doing all your life, really. You’ve been involved in doing this, haven’t you?

Bethany: Pro-life, definitely. God is life. He’s the giver and the maker of life. We reflect Him, and we represent Him, so we stand for life.

Nancy: Amen. OK, so what’s life like now with Paul on house arrest?

Bethany: House arrest. About a week after the sentencing, we had a government supervision agent who will be overseeing him. His overlords, they’re actually called “Intensive Supervision Specialists.” So, he has an Intensive Supervision Specialist who is monitoring his house arrest.

They were required to come out to our house to inspect our home. We tried to get this put off. We tried to avoid this, but ultimately our efforts in pursuing that, trying to get it to be stayed failed. So, they showed up.

Nancy: That was pretty intensive, wasn’t it?

Bethany: Yeah, it was not comfortable having government agents come in your home. That was a very difficult day. They came and they walked into our house. I had my phone. I videoed and took pictures and stood behind them as they walked through our house.

They looked in our children’s bedrooms. They walked into my master bedroom. They asked questions about our property. They go outside. They look around outside. They look in our outbuildings. Then she proceeds to tell Paul the rules. He’s to be home at these times. He’s not to have any weapons in the house and she will need the name and the number of the person who has our weapons so she can call and check.

Then she turns to me. She says, “Pictures and videos, you can’t give pictures and videos to the media.” Then they leave. About a week later, we get calls on Saturday morning from this Intensive Supervision Specialist who wants to check and make sure that Paul is obeying his house arrest rules and is at home. He does have the ability to work, and he does have the ability to go to church. There are curfew hours.

Nancy: That’s really quite amazing because I’m thinking of Rebecca Lavrenz. You have heard me speak of her. She’s also done a couple of podcasts with me. She was arrested for going into the Capitol on January 6. She went in for about ten minutes, walked around, and came out.

But she also did not receive prison time, but house arrest. Her house arrest is pretty much—she’s there, ankle monitored, and also has a thing on her phone. She’s not allowed on the internet. She’s really squashed down completely.

Fortunately, she has a bit of land around her house which she can walk around so she can feed her chickens. Even then, she’s only allowed to go out of her house, just for that little time, morning and evening, to feed her chickens. Otherwise, she has to be in her house. And she was also fined $103,000.00, and her charge was only a misdemeanor. They say that that must be the hugest fine for a misdemeanor in history.

Bethany: Yet the pro-life misdemeanor defendants have ankle monitors. They have similar restrictions, but yeah, the whole thing is just ridiculous, to have these pro-life Christian men and women monitored to this extent.

Nancy: So, here we are, in our nation at the moment. I have Bethany here, and you’ve also heard Rebecca share. These are just beautiful normal family people. Here is Bethany, a grandmother. Rebecca herself is a great-grandmother. Here they are, standing up for truth, standing up for life, and yet, facing . . .

Tell me, your First Amendment is taken away. They won’t allow Paul to vote. It’s even against the Constitution, all for things that our Founding Fathers stood for. They stood for life, they stood for truth. They stood for the Word of God. And here, now people are being sentenced for standing up for life, for truth. It’s unbelievable.

What are we doing? I don’t know. I think so many people are just carrying on their lovely lives, with all their challenges each day, of course, but not realizing what is happening. These things are happening to ordinary people, and they can happen to us if we open our mouths too much. And yet, we dare not close our mouths! We dare not, because when we keep silent, we are giving up our freedoms. We’ve got to fight for life, and fight for freedom, and fight for truth.

Bethany: Definitely. I think there’s a tendency to see what is going on in our country, especially for moms to be tempted to fear, and to shirk back in fear and be scared. I hope that our story, I hope that what has happened to us, I hope that that actually encourages and inspires other Christian families to trust the Lord, and to not fear man.

When we fear man, we become bound. When we fear God, we’re free. And to realize that He will give you the strength at the time that you need to endure the trials that He sends your way. It really is an exciting time to be alive. It’s not a time to fear. It’s not a time to hide and try to protect ourselves and isolate ourselves.

Nancy: That’s right. So, now in the situation you're in now, you've always been very proactive for life. How are you doing that now?

Bethany: One of the ways is that God has definitely opened up platforms of opportunities to speak and to encourage others who may be facing similar trials, or who may in the future be facing some more trials.

Then too, just carrying on our normal large family life. Throughout this trial, our life still went on. We still married off children, and grandbabies are coming, so life doesn’t stop just because the DOJ comes in and interrupts your life. I think that their intent, they want to crush you, they want to scare you, they want you to flee.

By the grace of God, we can use these opportunities of persecution and trial to refine us, to burn off the chaff, to solidify us. Instead of being crushed and pulverized, we’re actually turned into those diamonds and that gold that shine the light of Christ to a very dark world. Our nation is very sick right now. It’s very dark. We’re needed.

Nancy: Yes, we are. I believe that every Bible-believing God-fearing family, husbands, wives, and children, we must be standing up. We can no longer be silent. If we belong to God, well, we must confess Him and His truth. He says that “If we confess Him, He will confess us before His Father, which is in heaven. But if we deny Him, He will deny us before His Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 10:32, 33 and 2 Timothy 2:12).

I think too many are in a state of not wanting to open their mouths. They can believe in their hearts but it’s not enough to believe in our hearts. Even our conversion is not enough to believe in our hearts. How are we saved? The Bible says that “If we confess with our mouth the Lord Jesus, and believe in our heart that God raised Him from the dead, we shall be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness, and with the mouth, confession is made unto salvation” (Romans 10:8, 9).

This is how we begin our walk with God. We confess with our mouth. That’s just the beginning. We continue. We continue to confess His truth. If we deny them, we’re denying Him. If we are too afraid to speak up for life, we are denying God, because He is life.

I just wrote the other day, I wrote these words down coming from John 10:10, which says: “The enemy comes to kill, rob, and destroy. but Jesus comes to give us life, and to give it more abundantly.”

But I wrote these words:

“Satan comes to divide, deceive, devour, and destroy.

Jesus comes to bring life, love, light, and liberty.”

We must choose which side we’re on. If we’re on God’s side, we are on the side of life. We have to stand for life. We must fight against the murder of precious life which begins at conception.

I think we’ve got to, in every way, and I think most people today, just about everyone’s on Facebook or some kind of social media. It can be the biggest time waster in the world. Or it can be a tool for God, a tool to proclaim His truth.

I would encourage every one of you precious ladies today, and even young people listening, to use your social media to proclaim truth. Find wonderful quotes about life, and against abortion, and post them. Post them on your social media. Young people, post quotes about life! Find every quote you can get, or every picture you can get that comes against abortion and post it!

We should be flooding the media with these positive truths and quotations and quotes, because the leftists, the socialists, the abortionists, the feminists, they are all flooding the media. Sadly, it’s God’s people who are hidden at the moment. The more we are hidden, the more they are going to take over. The more we push back and proclaim the truth, the more we possess the land again!

So, please, can I ask you to do that? It can be just a little way, in your home, with your children, but you can be a proclaimer of truth to the nation by just using your social media, and every other way. Of course, writing or calling or messaging (usually you Facebook) or calling your senators or congressmen to encourage them against abortion.

We should really talk about what’s happening now in abortions in this nation, shouldn’t we, Bethany? What is happening? What do you know at the moment?

Bethany: I was sharing with you a little bit before the podcast on this election cycle in November, coming up. As most people know, Roe was completely overturned, right? What that did is that it sent it back to the states. There is a fierce battle going on in many, many states over enshrining child murder into the state constitution.

Nancy: Yes, isn’t it sad? It was such a great victory, that Roe v Wade was overturned federally, and is now back to the states. That’s a good thing, of course. It’s now back to the states, but we would have hoped that every state had an opportunity now to uplift life. Instead, these states are trying to legalize murder of life.

Bethany: Some states already have, like Michigan. It’s not just a few weeks. Michigan is . . .

Nancy: Up to right when the baby is born. Isn’t that interesting? Did any of you watch the debate the other night with Trump and Kamela? You will know, if you are truly conversant with the truth, that everything she said was a lie. From the moment she opened her mouth until she closed it, she spouted forth lies.

One of the lies, of course, when Trump challenged her, was that “Oh, no, we don’t allow abortion up to the ninth month,” which many states do. It’s law in Michigan, and even after the baby has been born, if it is being scheduled for abortion, well, they’ve got to let it die. It’s horrific. Tell me the other states.

Bethany: This election cycle, there are actually ten states. I’ll read off the states.

Nancy: Listen, ladies, because it might be one of the states that you live in. If it is, you’ve got a battle on your hands.

Bethany: Arizona, Colorado, Florida, Maryland, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New York, South Dakota.

Nancy: I’m surprised at South Dakota.

Bethany: The other thing is, we must not just think, “Oh, we live in a red state, so we’re pro-life. This will never happen here.” We cannot underestimate the evil, and the viciousness, and the tenacity that the enemy has.

They are going into these red states, and by any means possible, they lie, they steal, they kill, they destroy. They’re going into these red states, and they’re trying to push this even into states that we think, “Oh, this is not a blue state. I’m fine. I’m safe.”

Nancy: I’m sure you listened to those. If your state was mentioned, well, you may need to be doing some calling or writing to your senators, and really standing up for life, and of course, praying. Isn’t it sad that we live in a nation where there are people who are absolutely intent on murdering life? It comes from the enemy. It’s the enemy who comes to destroy. Satan comes to destroy.

If we don’t come against that, what does the Bible say? “Have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather, reprove them,” or expose them. That’s Ephesians 5:11. We have a responsibility to expose them and reprove them.

Bethany: I will say too, to think about, that if your state borders any of these states, that also matters, because what that means is that women from your state, from your community, may have very short travel times just to get over to a border state that does do abortions.

So, what are we doing in our churches and in our Christian communities help these women? There is such an opportunity right now for crisis pregnancy centers, for maternity care. The opportunity to help in this area, and minister in this area, even if you are in a state that does not have an abortion law, it’s very great.

Nancy: Yes. Young people, if you are listening, that is a very beautiful thing you can do. Often, you graduate, and you wonder what’s next to do. I know many young people, and even some of my Above Rubies helpers who have come to be with me, to help with Above Rubies. Most come for about two months at a time. When they’ve gone back, they have gone back with a vision to get involved in a crisis pregnancy group so they can help these mothers. That’s a beautiful ministry. That’s something you can do. There are so many practical things that you can do.

Yes, let’s engage in this battle, dear ladies, moms, and young people. Oh, it’s your generation that are the ones who are most deceived. They’ve been totally brainwashed in the colleges today. They’re brainwashed against life. It’s just brainwashing. You take away the brainwashing and we get down to tin tacks, to what our real conscience is. Anyone with a true conscience knows that it’s evil to murder life! Everybody knows today because we have ultrasound. Nobody can deny that this little baby, when it’s conceived, it’s life.

I think of that quote by Martin Luther. He said, "If I protest with the loudest voice and clearest exposition every portion of the truth of God except precisely that little point which the world and the devil are at the moment attacking, I am not confessing Christ, however boldly I may be confessing Christ. Where the battle rages there the loyalty of the soldier is proved. And to be steady on all the battlefield besides is merely flight and disgrace if he flinches at that point."

That’s a very interesting quote, because it’s saying we can be boldly talking about everything. But the one thing where the devil’s attacking most, if we’re quiet about that point, well, we’re missing it. We’re denying Christ. I think this matter of life, because it’s always about life and death, this matter of abortion, which is the murdering of a precious life in the womb, because every one of us began with conception. We wouldn’t be here if we had been aborted, and yet, here we are today, at all varying ages.

We have to face this battle. I think of the Scripture in 2 Peter 1:12. Peter is writing, and he says: “Wherefore I will not be negligent to put you always in remembrance of these things, though ye know them, and be established in the present truth.” Here’s he’s speaking about the “present truth.” Every word in the Word of God is truth. Every word! There’s not one word that is not anointed with truth, because it is the living, breathing Word of God.

But here Peter talks about “present truth,” like Luther was speaking about. This one thing that is happening at the moment is a present thing. It’s something we’re facing at the moment. It’s a present truth. He’s saying, “I want to remind you about this.” We are reminding you today, this is a present truth, a battle we’re facing today.

We can’t put it aside or put our heads in the sand. We’ve got to be one way or the other. We’re either on the devil’s side, which is to destroy, or we’re on God’s side, which is life. We’ve got to engage in that battle.

I have to ask the Lord, “How can I engage more? What more can I do, to bring God’s truth?” Each one of you have to ask the Lord, “What do You want me to do? Show me what You want me to do, Lord God, because I’m on Your side. I’m fighting on Your side. I’m Your soldier. Just show me what to do. Show me the strategy.”

Of course, we know that the first strategy is, guess what? It's prayer. Prayer, praying. I think I’ve asked you before, but can I ask you again? Do you pray with your family morning and evening, about this issue, about life, about this nation, and what we’re facing? We’re facing an election very, very shortly.

We heard the debate the other night, and, of course, so many people who are deceived and do not know the truth, as they listened to Kamela, well, they could think, “Wow, I’m going to vote for her!” They don’t know, because every word she said was a lie! They don’t know that they are bringing in communism, total communism! We have to vote against it, and we have to pray against it.

We think of Venezuela right now. The people voted and won the recent election. They won by 70%! They won! But Maduro, who is the tyrant who has total tyranny over this nation, and brought it into communism, he refused to receive that. They went out and put down their people.

Their people are so poor. It was once the richest country in South America. Now it’s the poorest. They’re hardly eating. They’re dying. They are so poor. Now, even after winning another election, they’ve lost because he will not allow it.

Fifty-three countries around the world stood against him to say that they did not accept his election because it wasn’t true. So, what does he do? As the tyrant, he wipes every one of those embassies and they’ve now got to leave the country. They’re wiped. They cannot even be in Venezuela. He has total control.

Ladies, do you realize that, if Kamela, who is the representative of this tyrannical, communistic government they want to bring in, that’s what we will come to. We have got to be in the battle. We’ve got to pray. Not only praying with our families but gathering some friends. Have a prayer meeting in your home.

Oh, I think every single God-fearing family should be having a prayer meeting in their home for this issue about abortion and life, and these elections, and what we’re facing in this nation! If we’re not, I don’t think we understand where we are. If we really understand where we are in this nation, and what could be happening very soon, we will be crying out to God! We will be gathering friends. “Come on! Let’s come! Let’s meet each week, and let’s cry out to God, and pray!” Well, I share this. I hope it’s not just words, and you will really take this up.

But anyway, Bethany, anything you want to share as we close this time?

Bethany: Thank you. Thank you for that encouragement. I just wanted to leave the ladies with a challenge and encouragement to fear God. Don’t fear man. When you think that everything is so overwhelming, and you say, “What do I do,” the first thing you can do, is you can determine in your heart that you're going to fear God. You’re not going to live by lies. You’re going to embrace the truth.

The other important thing that I wanted to bring out is that you yourself model repentance and virtue to your children, and to those around you, and to not be scared to become dangerous to the kingdom of darkness. And to teach your children diligently to do the same thing.

Nancy: Amen. That is beautiful, Bethany. I’d love to have your husband Paul come. He would be able to share with us a little more knowledgeably about what’s happening with abortion in this nation.

Bethany: Yes, he’s actually doing a podcast later on today about that very topic. You can also find out more details about our case, and what’s going on, on our substacks. My substack is //substack.com/@bethanyvaughn">https://substack.com/@bethanyvaughn>, and my husband’s is //substack.com/@paultn">https://substack.com/@paultn>.

Nancy: Thank you, Bethany. I wonder if you’d like to pray for the ladies as we close.

Bethany: Oh, yes! Thank you.

“Lord, we thank You for the amazing opportunity that You have given us to live at this time in history that You have put a story in us. You have put us in a larger story in Your history. Lord, we pray that we would embrace the story You have for us, that we would model repentance and virtue to our children, that we would seek Your face, that we would humbly submit our lives to Your lordship.

“And that we would live with a joyful obedience to Your will, and that we would not be afraid to shine the light of Christ to those around us, and that You have put salt, and You have put light in us.

“Lord, help us be diligent and excited to share that with the world. Lord, we trust You with our lives, we trust You with our children, and with our families. Lord, we pray that You would be near to us, and that we will follow you faithfully all the days of our lives.”

Nancy: Amen.

Blessings from Nancy Campbell

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www.aboverubies.org

Transcribed by Darlene Norris

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DON’T FORGET TO TELL OTHERS ABOUT THESE PODCASTS AND TRANSCRIPTS.

“LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell, Above Rubies”

DON’T KEEP THE BLESSINGS TO YOURSELF.

UPDATE:

Cal Zastrow was also one of the ten who was arrested for saving babies’ lives. I think you will be interested in reading the poem he recently wrote, in the light of going to prison himself.

‘

NO ONE’S SAFE

By Cal Zastrow

Many of us know the following lines, written in the 1800s by Hiram Mann.

No man survives when freedom fails,

The best men rot in filthy jails,

And those who cried, “Appease, appease,”
Are hung by those they tried to please.

Hiram Mann - 1800's

Cal Zastrow has written the following poem, inspired by the above lines. Cal Zastrow is going to prison this month for six months because of standing up for life. Another of the ten was given 16 months in prison. I think you will be challenged by Cal’s poem, especially as he writes it with the knowledge that he will begin his prison sentence this month.

NO ONE’S SAFE

No one's safe when Christians are lukewarm,

When we look away from the coming storm,
Instead of being courage-filled,
We won't Rescue the babies getting killed.

No one's safe when Christians won't pray,

While we play and stray, refusing to obey

Instead of volunteering for God's will,

Our sweat and blood, we won't risk to spill.

No one's safe while Christians hide,
Not standing in the gap against evil's tide,

Short-sighted, we're at ease in Zion,

Compromise has left America dyin'.

No one's safe when Christians are slow starters.
Not prepared for persecution, forgetting faithful martyrs,

But suffering and sacrifice are part of the way

To be prepared for Judgment Day.

No one's safe when Christians shun the Cross,

Committed to things, afraid of their loss,

While we love our face and our place

We are then living under false grace.

No one's safe when Christians hide His light,
While we refuse to care, ignoring the spiritual fight,

Our own comfort is our goal,

Seeking pleasure, not a pure soul.

No one's safe when Christians won't be His salt,
While we pretend that we're not at fault,
Accepting, instead of crucifying sin,

We're timed of conflict, so we won't win.

No one's safe when Christians live in fear,

Making safety an idol, our lives too dear,

Stop listening to the world a callin',

Jesus is Lord! Babylon has fallen.

No one's safe while Christians live for survival,

Come on! Get up! Let's trust God for Revival!

Repent! Throw off this lethargic spell,
Let's go storm the gates of hell!

We'll all be blessed when Christian arise,
Living by faith, and not by lies,

Our salvation is not from Uncle Sam,
Join me now in shouting, “Worthy is the Lamb!”

The solution to our problems now?
Eyes on Jesus, hands on plow!
No compromises, just press the attack,

Eyes on Jesus! No looking back!

 

LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell

EPISODE 328: What Do You Do While You Wait for The Man of Your Dreams? Part 4

Caitlin continues to discuss with me the rest of the 21 points to the question: What qualities should a girl look for in a husband? These points are important for gals, guys, and parents. Girls must know what to look for. However, girls should have these same qualities if they want a man after God’s own heart. And mothers, we are the ones who are training these young men and women for marriage. Are we seeking to encourage these qualities in our young people?

Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, LIFE TO THE FULL, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.

Nancy Campbell: Hello! Here we are again, for the fourth podcast in this series of, what do we do when we’re waiting for the man of our dreams? Currently, we’re talking about what are the character qualities to look for in a man that you are falling in love with?

Of course, this relates not only for looking for the character qualities in the man, but we need to have those same qualities ourselves. For us mothers, we realize it all comes back to us. We are training and preparing our beautiful young people for marriage. This is one of the greatest things you do as a parent, is prepare them for marriage.

Caitlin: Yes. I know, I was saying just before we got on this podcast here that it’s so sad to see so many young ladies in my church even, back home, who are dating these guys. They’ll break up and then they’ll go and try to find another one.

It’s just that they don’t know what to look for in a young man. They’re seeking after that, but they don’t know what to look for. It’s so important to have in mind those attributes that you want in your future husband and future father of your children. It’s so important and needed nowadays.

Nancy: You are listening along with me to Caitlin. Caitlin is one of my current Above Rubies helpers. She is 20 years of age, and still waiting for the man of her dreams. She’s been sharing about what do you do in this time?

We also have here, sitting in this lounge, we have Ruth, another Above Rubies helper just coming because the beautiful Drennan girls are leaving. Ruth is 20, and Elizabeth, Caitlin’s sister, is 16.

We have Ruthie and Havie (short for Haven) here too! Ruthie is only eight, but she is listening. Ruthie lives next door to us. Havie is my beautiful 12-year-old granddaughter. She’s listening too. Well, Havie, because she’s got lots of older brothers and sisters, she’s an auntie. She has lots of little nieces and nephews. Of course, Havie gets in on all the big stuff. She stays up nights with all the late-night talk.

Caitlin: Yes, we just had a farewell party a little while ago at the THM Café. That’s one thing we were saying as we were all talking that Haven has been there for all of our adventures that we’ve had this summer. She’s been right along with us, our little buddy, always there. We’ve so enjoyed her company.

Nancy: Havie is Serene and Sam’s daughter. OK, let’s carry on with these character qualities. I’m sure we’ll finish this session. It’s so good to talk about them.

No. 13. A MAN WHO WILL NOT COMPROMISE ON ANY LEVEL OF EVIL

Oh, I think that is so important, because it’s amazing to see how the standard has continually weakened over the years. It’s amazing.

Now, this is an unusual story, but I grew up never ever entering a picture theater. Back in those days, it was taboo for a Christian to go into a theater and yet the movies were so much more wholesome than they are today! In fact, my mother passed away having never gone into a movie theater.

As I got older, there were movies coming out. I remember the first one that I ever went to was The Sound of Music. It was so beautiful. I said to my mother, “Mom, you could go and see that,” because it was so wholesome, so beautiful. You know what she said to me? She said, “Nancy, what if the Lord should come and find me in a theater?”

Caitlin: Oh, my goodness!

Nancy: So, she never entered. Nor did my husband’s mother. Never in their lives did they go into a theater. Well, we, of course now, do go into a theater, and watch a good movie. We certainly watch out to make sure it’s a good one. Really, only those that are put out to be a voice on a certain matter, or a Christian movie. We will go to that to support the Christian convictions.

Caitlin: There are so many good Christian movies coming out recently.

Nancy: Yes, I see that they’re bringing out another one on sex trafficking, exposing that. Then I see also the fourth one of God’s Not Dead is coming out too. That’s interesting. But there are a lot of very good ones we certainly have to watch.

The sad thing is that there are many Christians today who do not even have a filter. They go to anything! Of course, now you can even watch anything in your own home, or on your iPhone. Help! This is where you have to find a young man of conviction, who will not violate his soul and not violate his mind. If a young man says, “Oh, let’s watch a movie,” and it has some immorality in it, or something even slightly, and he doesn’t turn a hair, well, I think that’s it. Goodbye!

Caitlin: Right. We were talking a few podcasts ago about how we, as women, don’t want to conform to the societal norms, and feel like you have to go along with whatever it is that everybody else is doing, just to be accepted. I think that’s so true of a young man. We don’t want someone who just goes with whatever society is doing. Because, “Oh well, my friends are doing it. Its OK.”

We want someone who is strong in their convictions, for sure, and can stand firm. There are even people who they are friends with, who are doing something that they can stand firm and say, “Hey, I am convicted that I’m not going to do that.”

Nancy: He’s living by the fear of the Lord, not by the standards of society.

Caitlin: And keeping the Lord’s will.

Nancy: Also, he’s a man who will protect you, because he is the one who is meant to be protecting you. Now, where was Adam when Eve took of the fruit? The Bible tells us that it was Eve who was deceived. In fact, in 1 Timothy 2, it tells us, if you go back to the original Greek, and other translations will bring this out, it says that “Eve was fully deceived.” One translation says that she was “thoroughly hoodwinked.”

She was in the deception but Adam knew what was happening. Where was he? Was he somewhere else when she took of that fruit? No, he was right beside her. He was right beside her and did not stop her. Therefore, the sin of the world is upon Adam. It is passed down through Adam. God put the responsibility on him. Even though the woman was the deceived one, God put that responsibility upon the man, because he did not protect and stop his wife from that deception.

If you have a man, a young man, who doesn’t turn a hair, is not willing to protect you from evil, what kind of a man is he? What kind of a husband will he be?

Caitlin: So true, so true.

Nancy: It is what we are looking for. Yes, he’s not a guy who’s just playing video games.

No. 14. A MAN WHO IS ALWAYS WILLING TO HELP OTHERS

He’s not just wanting to get away with you, just do your own thing. It doesn’t matter if people are in need. He’s not living the selfish life. It’s beautiful to see a young man who’s ready to help, help others with their needs.

Caitlin: Yes. And we were talking a little while ago as well, about not wasting these years of singleness, but chasing after the mission that God has for us in serving others, because God tells us: “As ye have done to the least of these, you have done unto Me.”

I believe that’s so important, to find a man who is willing to be on mission for God, and give God everything, and to serve with his whole life. Because then he will lead his family to do this thing. He will lead a family to serve and live lives of service unto God.

That’s one thing that’s been very important in our family life. My dad has always made a point of making sure that we, as a family, were serving and seeking to give to others with our time, with our efforts, and to serve the Kingdom as a family. That’s always been so important. I think that definitely it’s very important to look for in a man, is someone who is willing to serve the Kingdom.

Nancy: Oh, absolutely. Yes. So . . .

No. 15. A MAN WHO IS COMMITTED TO THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE SAINTS

That means he loves to go to church! What does it say in Hebrews 10:25? “Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together, as the manner of some is, but so much the more, as you see the day approaching.” That is not a suggestion. That is a command. “Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together.”

You will also look for a young man who loves to go to the house of God, who loves to go. He isn’t, “Oh well, you know,” and just trail along. No, he’s there. He’s there on time, and he’s there, actually helping. He’s trying to be part of everything. You want to see this because if he hasn’t got that now, is he going to lead you and your future children to the house of God? Because it’s the man who should be leading, not the woman.

You want to see that, that he has a love for the people of God, and he has a love, not just to go to church and then rush off, but to fellowship with people and to talk with the saints of God, because that is what Christianity is all about.

I think I’ve shared it with you recently, but it doesn’t hurt to share it again, because it’s so important, especially in this hour. We go to the example of the early church in Acts 2, where it says: What did they do? “They continued steadfastly. They continued,” I guess they didn’t do it every now and then, “steadfastly in the apostles’ doctrine, fellowship, and the breaking of bread, and in prayers.”

There were four things. They didn’t just go to church, roll up, and disappear. No, it was a lifestyle. Of course, they went to hear the doctrines of the Word of God, the apostles’ teaching.

But then, fellowship. Yes, fellowship is very much on the heart of God. And then, breaking of bread, which was also fellowship together. And prayers. That’s all part of the lifestyle of the Kingdom of God.

Caitlin: Yes. I love one of the things . . . I love so many things about the Hilltop church here, but I love how at the end of every service there is intense fellowship. There’s lively fellowship among all the congregation. My favorite time, I think, is getting to fellowship with all of the young people and then also those who are older. To talk with the mothers, and hear them talk, and get all of their wisdom. It’s such a beautiful time. I can’t imagine the Sunday service without the fellowship! It’s so important.

Nancy: Oh, I know. I think people who don’t have that don’t actually know what they are missing. And yet, it is part of church life. It is so wonderful. It’s amazing how somehow the men sort of congregate at one table, and the women at the other tables.

I noticed the other Sunday that us women were getting into such excitement and debate! We were making such a noise that the men were looking over. “What’s happening over there?” [laughter] But it’s always lively, fun, and encouraging to one another. It’s so inspiring, learning from one another. As you say, it is as important as the church meeting.

Caitlin: Absolutely. It is so funny. Normally, I hang out with the young people after the fellowship, but I got to sit at the mother’s table for the first time a few weeks ago. I thought to myself, “My goodness, this is where I want to be all the time!” It was so exciting, the conversation we were having. It was so great, because I was learning so much from you all. I just loved it!

Nancy: Yes, absolutely. So, you’ll be looking for a man who loves the house of God. Amen.

No. 16. A MAN WHO BELIEVES IN HOMESCHOOLING

Caitlin: That’s so important right now.

Nancy: Well, it is, in this age in which we are living, because our public schools have become indoctrination places of such deception. We want to raise our children. How can we be believers in Jesus, believers in the Word of God, and yet, send our children to be indoctrinated with everything that is the opposite? That is absolutely ridiculous.

I know mothers who are so concerned about their children, but their husbands don’t have the revelation. They say, “Oh no, they must go to public school!” And they’re not aware of the tragedy of what is happening. We need to find this out before we get married. It’s so important, isn’t it?

Caitlin: Absolutely. My mom has always said, “Even more importantly than raising little scholars, you’re raising young disciples, and you're training them up to be disciples and followers of Jesus.” That’s what homeschooling is. It’s instilling that in the next generation. It’s so important. I’m so thankful for my parents’ decision to homeschool me. I wasn’t always homeschooled, but they made the decision to pull me out of school.

Nancy: How old were you when you started homeschooling?

Caitlin: I was 12 years old when I started homeschooling. So, yes, I had an experience in the public school system, private school, charter school, all the different things. Then we made the decision to homeschool. It’s been the greatest blessing. It truly has.

I am glad I did that testimony to share with others who maybe haven’t had the different experiences. I can definitely tell you, and any young people out there who are homeschooling, that homeschooling is the way to go. Our family became so much closer and more tight-knit. Really, striving after God whenever we came home, and we were all together homeschooling, because our parents were, round-the-clock, able to disciple us. It was such a beautiful thing that took place in our family. So, yes, I definitely support homeschooling.

Nancy: I notice the whole difference, the whole family . . .

Caitlin: Dynamic, yes. Absolutely. As siblings, we became so much closer than we ever were before. I’m thankful for my parents’ decision to homeschool us.

Nancy: Can you imagine if you had continued to go to public school, or to high school?

Caitlin: I can’t. Oh, my goodness, I can’t imagine! I cannot imagine, because so many blessings came from coming back home.

Nancy: Instead of these things (of the world) being constantly bombarded upon you, you’ve had the beautiful truths and the light of the kingdom of God in your home.

Caitlin: As a young woman, training to be a wife and mother, I got to see my mom, day in and day out, do that. That was the greatest training for me, ever. Just being able to watch my mom and the example that she set for me. Her constantly pouring into her children, loving her husband, and maintaining her home, and pulling me right alongside her.

To cook, and to clean, and to do things like that I would have passed up that experience. I know I wouldn’t be in the place I am today if I hadn’t been homeschooled and been able to come alongside my mom in all those different areas.

Nancy: It’s important that young girls grow up learning how to run the home and how to cook.

Caitlin: That was part of it!

Nancy: You cook all the meals for the home, don’t you?

Caitlin: Yes, we do. Our mom passed on that responsibility to us as one of our household duties. But it’s something that I took on because I loved cooking. My mom wasn’t forcing that upon us at all. But because I love cooking so much, and Elizabeth does too, we took on that responsibility because we love cooking and preparing meals for our family and all of that.

Nancy: So, you don’t just, “Oh well, we’ll cook the meal,” but you love to create, and cook the most beautiful meals.

Caitlin: I find so much joy and satisfaction in that, in serving my family that way. I love to ask my siblings, “Oh, what’s the meal that you want?” I love to make something that they enjoy, because it really means more to the whole family whenever it’s a labor of love.

Nancy: You don’t have time to learn those skills . . .

Caitlin: Exactly. I know I wouldn’t have had that time to learn those skills, and to dig deeper into those passions that God had laid on my heart if I had been going to a public school. Yes, I’m so glad I had that time. Home economics and homemaking skills, that was all part of my schooling growing up. My mom really made sure she made that a priority for her young ladies, to instill those values and skills in us, so we would be prepared for married life.

Nancy: You just mentioned a little word, two words there. It made me think of something, how that your mom was training you as “young ladies.” I love that. I see that that’s what you are. You are beautiful young ladies.

If you could see Caitlin and Elizabeth, you would agree with me that they are beautiful young ladies. But they also look like ladies.

I have to say how much I appreciate the way that every day you come out of your bedroom looking beautiful, perfect. Your hair is done so gloriously, and you've always got beautiful dresses on. You look like young ladies. I can’t tell you how much it blesses me. It is a beautiful thing. To me, it’s the most beautiful thing in the world to look at a young lady and to look at her in her beautiful dress. It’s so beautiful! I’m sick of looking at young people with jeans and tops and looking like guys. It’s so beautiful. What got you into being young ladies?

Caitlin: Oh, I think it was the example of my mother, for sure. My mother has always found so much joy in femininity. Even my grandmothers, too, found a lot of joy in femininity. I think it’s something that I picked up from my mother. I saw how much that brought her joy, and how it was part of her life. I wanted that too, so it was something I grew up with. I had that innate female desire to wear a dress and to be feminine and pretty. That was something that my mom raised us in, the femininity.

Nancy: It’s so beautiful!

Caitlin: Thank you.

Nancy: And you are truly pictures of what a lady should be, and how you're meant to be, as a woman and a feminine lady. It’s beautiful! I believe God wants us to be who He created us to be. Like, we’re looking for men! What do we say, we don’t want wimps! So, a woman doesn’t want a wimp, but a man does want a beautiful, feminine lady whose like a lady.

I remember my own father and mother who have now passed away. They would be well over a hundred years now if they were still living. But my father was a man’s man in a man’s world. There were not many men who were so manly as he was. And yet, my mother was the most beautiful, feminine lady. That’s how he adored her. He didn’t want her to be a manly woman like he was a manly man. He adored his beautiful feminine wife and it was so glorious to see the distinction.

As I grew up, I never had to have teaching on the difference between male and female because I saw it before my eyes. I saw this man, a manly man who was looked up to as a man in our nation and his wife, a woman who loved clothes and dressed beautifully. She was a dressmaker. She made beautiful clothes. My father loved to look at her in her beautiful clothes and see how beautiful and feminine she was.

Caitlin: Yes, I think it’s so true, the femininity of women will bring out the masculinity of the men.

Nancy: It does! Absolutely! Yet in today’s society, men are being deprived. They are being deprived of beautiful feminine women. They’re actually deprived! In being so, they don’t really know how to be all that they are as men because it takes both sexes being who they are to bring out the best in both sexes.

But talking about homeschooling, I love that Scripture in Psalms 1:1, which we all know: “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful,” This is a picture of our public schooling today. It’s the counsel of the ungodly. They scorn the ways of God.

Why would we ever send our children into that environment? “But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.” This is what our children are meant to be having that continual blessing of the Word in their lives. Amen!

No. 17. A MAN WHO IS A ONE-WOMAN MAN

Caitlin: Oh, so important.

Nancy: You don’t want a womanizer. You want a man, and you have to also be a young woman who knows and understands the exclusivity of marriage. I am a great believer in the exclusivity of marriage. You can have loads of friends as a single person, but when you get married, from that moment, you are never ever going to go and maybe have a cup of coffee or get away with another guy. Never! Never, because now you are one with this man. It’s exclusive. You’re made one.

Yes, you’ll have loads of friends, and as a married couple you can ask all your friends over for supper. You can go out with other couples and enjoy fellowship together. But you, as a wife, will not ever go out with another man on your own, nor vice versa, nor a man who would even have a cup of coffee with another girl. Never. If he’s a man who’d do that, I would never marry him. Marriage is exclusive. Amen. You don’t want a man who looks at other girls while he’s trying to court you.

Caitlin: Of course not! No.

Nancy:

No. 18. A MAN WHO HONORS HIS FATHER AND MOTHER

I think if you see the way a young man treats his father and mother, especially his mother, well, you’re going to see how he will treat you. He might start out treating you very nicely, but how will he treat you in the end?

Caitlin: Right. I think it’s so sad. Sometimes I’ll be at church, and I’ll see a young man mouth off to his mother. I think to myself, “Oh, my goodness! I would never want to marry him!” If he treats his mother that way, how is he going to treat his wife? Oh, my goodness!

It’s so encouraging to see a young man respect his siblings, like his sisters, and to speak encouraging words to them, words of love and affirmation. Because it really goes to show how much they respect her as a young woman and how his mother has instilled that in him.

It’s encouraging also to see him bless his mother. That is something that speaks volumes of a young man, something that a young woman definitely looks for. I think it’s so beautiful to see that in a young man.

Nancy: Oh, yes, it’s a beautiful quality. There is so much in the Word about honoring your father and mother. Usually, the father is put first. But back in Leviticus 19:2 . . . The Bible says to obey your mother and father, to honor your mother and father, but yes, in Leviticus, it actually says to “fear every man his mother, and his father.”

It puts the mother first. There are some other places where the mother comes first too, showing that God wants that reverential awe towards the mother as well as the father. I did a study recently and I couldn’t believe how many Scriptures there were!

I was also quite taken aback recently, when we heard that J. D. Vance had become the vice president nominee. I didn’t know anything about him really, and then I heard that there had been a movie on his life well before he would be vice president. It is called Hillbilly Elegy. I said, “Oh, well, we’ll watch it.”

Sorry, I can’t really advocate it in that there was so much bad language in it because it was really showing his life. It was such a horrific childhood. It is hard to believe that anyone coming from that childhood could be where they are today, where he is, it’s pretty amazing. But this horrific childhood, and he was cursed at and sworn at, and his mother was on drugs, and was a heroin addict. Yet, he still showed respect to his mother.

Caitlin: The level of respect and love he had for her, and compassion.

Nancy: And to see, at the RNC convention, that he had her sitting in the front seat, with President Trump. He honored her and yet he had grown up in this most terrible childhood. Yet he still honored his mother. I thought that was a very powerful character quality.

Caitlin: It spoke volumes about him.

Nancy: OK, we’ve got to get on.

No. 19. A MAN WHO LOVES HOSPITALITY

Caitlin: Oh, that’s so important. My father has always been a huge encourager of hospitality. We’ve had tons of people in our home. We’ve had church groups. We’ll have 50 people sometimes. We’re outnumbered greatly by the children running around. It’s such a beautiful time.

I’ve been so appreciative and thankful that my father has set that example for our family. This is one of the many ways that we serve the kingdom of God, by opening up our home, and having hospitality. He’s always the first one to say, “OK, guys, let’s have people over.” That’s been a beautiful example for me to look for in my future husband. Is this someone who’s going to encourage hospitality, and be the one to say, “Let’s open up our home, and let’s serve the kingdom of God”?

Nancy: That is so beautiful. In fact, for a man who would aspire to be an elder or a pastor, one of the criteria is that he is a “lover of hospitality” (Titus 1:8). But I think it’s a beautiful thing, because one of the greatest ministries we can have in our home as we’re raising our children is hospitality.

OK, we’re in the home, we’re raising our children, we’re cooking meals for our family. So, we’re already doing what you have to do for hospitality. Let’s do it for a few more people and invite them into the blessing of our family, to encourage them and love them. It’s such a beautiful ministry as a mother.

But there are some men who have grown up in homes where it never happened and then they don’t want anybody in their home. So, their wife can never ask anybody over.

Caitlin: It’s so sad!

Nancy: It really is so sad. It’s lovely to know that you have a man who loves people and loves hospitality because it is the lifestyle of the kingdom of God.

Caitlin: Right! And it is work. It is hard work, of course, but that really brings the family together. That’s really been one of the ways that our family has been on mission for Jesus, with Jesus, is serving the kingdom in that way. Because, OK, yes, we’re in this together as a family. It’s not just mom and it’s not just dad.

Nancy: No. You can’t do it all on your own.

Caitlin: No, we can’t do it on our own. We all pull together as a family, because we are a team as a family. We’ll be doing dishes together. The boys will be outside. They’re getting the yard ready or the porch. We’re working together as a family. My sister and I work cooking food for everyone. Everyone pitches in, so it’s a beautiful time to grow together as a family as well.

Nancy: And it absolutely enhances your life. I look back on all our years of marriage, and hospitality is one of the greatest blessings. Just having people in your home, and joy, and the fellowship, and the blessings that come through doing that. You don’t want to be deprived of that.

Caitlin: No, not at all.

Nancy: The last one that I have here is, is it the last one? Oh no, we’ve got two more.

No. 20. A MAN WHO IS HUMBLE AND TEACHABLE

A man who is humble and teachable, because all through life we’re going to have to learn things. We don’t know it all and I’m still learning myself. If we don’t have a humble and teachable heart, well, we’re just going to be stagnant. And also, if you have a husband who is not teachable, it can cause a lot of problems.

Caitlin: Right. And I think that also it goes back to finding a man who’s seeking God’s will, and seeking after God’s heart, because, yes, if he’s seeking God’s will, then he’s going to be in that state of humility that he’s open to the working of the Spirit in his life, and open to whatever God calls him to be. So, yes, we definitely want to make sure that we have a man who’s humble enough to bring it all before the Lord.

Nancy: Oh, yes! There is so much in the Word. Let me just read one or two Scriptures.

Psalm 141:5: “Let the righteous smite me; it shall be a kindness: and let him reprove me; it shall be an excellent oil, which shall not break my head: for yet my prayer also shall be in their calamities.” That was a psalm of David who was so open to reproof. That’s amazing.

We go over to see so many in Proverbs. Let’s read a few of them. This is also the characteristic of a godly man. Proverbs 1:8: “My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother.”

Proverbs 9:8: “Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be yet wiser: teach a just man, and he will increase in learning.” That’s a beautiful character quality, isn’t it?

Over to Proverbs 10:17: “He is in the way of life that keepeth instruction: but he that refuseth reproof erreth.” That means he sins.

Proverbs 12:1: “Whoso loveth instruction loveth knowledge: but he that hateth reproof is brutish.” You don’t want a brutish man!

Caitlin: No, not at all!

Nancy: Proverbs 13:1: “A wise son heareth his father's instruction: but a scorner heareth not rebuke.”

Caitlin: Yes, humility has definitely been a huge theme in our family’s life. Our family business name is “Humble Farm,” which is our family farm back home. All of our different business endeavors all have the name “humble” in them, because my dad had that vision from the very beginning that we, as children of God, are to be humble. That’s so important.

As he leads our family, he leads us in humility, and coming before the Lord and asking the Lord, “What is Your will, Lord God?” We’re going to fall short, and we’re going to mess up, but we always return to the Lord and ask, how can we do better? God teaches through ways revealed to us what He has for us.

Nancy: That’s a beautiful testimony. Of course, you can go all through Proverbs. Just keep reading Scriptures like that. That is a beautiful quality to look for too, not only in that man that you may fall in love with, but in ourselves.

We have to continue to always have a soft and humble and contrite heart, as the Word says: “he that trembles at His word.” I think when we come to the Word of God, we don’t just read it, but we tremble at it. If we’re out of line with it, we tremble and get back in line!

Caitlin: Yes, we as women also have to have the humility to submit to our husbands. That’s so big and important that we submit, and that we are the ones who are coming alongside our future husband, in this case, and encouraging him, and being on mission with him. We follow his lead in our family life.

Nancy: Yes, amen. The last one is . . .

No. 21. A MAN WHO IS FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT OF GOD

Amen.

So, dear, lovely young people, I think one of the most wonderful things in the whole of the world is to fall in love. I’m sure you're going to fall in love, if you haven’t already fallen in love. When you look at a young man and you feel those little flutterings, before you really commit yourself, go back to these character qualities and see, does he line up?

He may not be fully fledged in all of them, but you do have to see the seeds of those things in him. I think if you look for those, and you see the seeds of those things in him, that is a beautiful thing. Of course, you’ll be wanting the guidance of your parents as well as you commit yourself to a young man.

I am preparing the character qualities that a guy can look for in a young woman. I haven’t got them all together yet, so I will do that.

I want to say as I end, a godly marriage is the most beautiful thing on earth. I am so blessed to be in a marriage that is the most beautiful thing on earth. But the opposite is true. A miserable marriage is the worst thing in the world to endure.

This is a big thing in your life, beautiful young ladies. And dear mothers, it’s a big thing for us as we prepare our children for marriage. I trust you are blessed, and you've been blessed by these four sessions. Shall we pray?

“Lord God, we thank You so much that You love marriage, and Lord, You delight in bringing couples together. You love to bring the woman to the man, and You do this supernaturally. Every couple You bring together, it’s a supernatural thing. It’s a God thing, and we thank You for it.

“I pray, Lord, that You will bless all these beautiful young daughters, and You will bring to them godly men. Oh, Father, I ask it in the name of Jesus. I pray, Lord for all the parents, mothers and fathers, that You will give them such wisdom, and bless them, Lord, as they seek to raise beautiful godly young daughters, and to raise godly young men who are true men, who are not wimps, who know how to be men, and work hard and provide, and who will walk in the fear of the Lord.

“Oh God, we ask if You will anoint us and help us to raise these young men and women, Lord, who will begin godly marriages, and raise godly children, because this is how we have a godly nation. There is no other way. We ask for this in the Name of Jesus. Amen.”

Blessings from Nancy Campbell

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Transcribed by Darlene Norris

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“LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell, Above Rubies”

DON’T KEEP THE BLESSINGS TO YOURSELF.

 

 

 

LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell

EPISODE 327: What Do You Do While You Wait for The Man of Your Dreams? Part 3

Caitlin joins me again for this session as we discuss together the question: What qualities should a girl look for in a husband? We discuss 12 different qualities in this session—and more next week.

Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, Life to The Full, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.

Nancy Campbell: Hello, ladies! This is our third session on the subject of “What Do We Do While We Wait for the Man of Our Dreams?” When I started this podcast three weeks ago with Caitlin, we thought we were only going to do one. But we have kept going because there’s so much to say on this subject.

Once again, Caitlin, I must say how wonderful it is to have you on the podcast and to have you for one more session before you and Elizabeth leave us, which will be so sad. We have actually had, in our home, over 170 lovely young ladies who have come to live with us to be helpers of the Above Rubies ministry.

Most of them stay for about two months at a time. Then they get back to get on with other things in their lives. Some girls stay on longer. I had one girl who stayed on for a year! We’ve had many girls who have come back a second time, like you girls came last year, and again this year, and hopefully next year!

In this session, ladies, I want to talk about the qualities that a young girl should be looking for in a man who is going to be worth marrying. Actually, it was quite a number of podcasts ago that I shared about this. Do you remember? Because you were listening.

Caitlin: Yes! I do remember it! That was before I was a Ruby Girl that I actually listened to that podcast. It was, I think, just a couple of weeks before I came that my mom called me. She said, “Caitlin, you have to listen to this podcast! It’s so good! There are so many great points that are covered in this podcast about seeking out a good, godly man, and what to look for in a future husband.”

As I listened to it, and I remember it was one of the first days that I was here, I told you how inspiring that had been, because, of course, I had always had those points in the back of my mind that, OK, I would look for this quality in a man. But it was so good to see a list, and really visualize it, and pray on each topic, each point.

Nancy: When I shared that, I hadn’t planned to share them in that podcast, and I’d just begun thinking about it. I shared the thoughts that I had. But since then, I have developed it more and I now have 21 points. You know how I always have many points when I’m talking about a subject. I have 21 points, and I thought what we would do, now that I have it fully developed, we will go through these points, because I believe this is not just for daughters looking for the right man.

It’s for everyone, yes, for young daughters, beautiful young people who are looking to know, “Is this the right man?” It’s good to have these character qualities to check out. Therefore, this is good for young girls who should be looking for that.

But then again, if these are the qualities that you're looking for in a young man, well, you need to have those same qualities yourself. It comes back on us, yes, as single girls. Now, I’m no longer single, of course, but for all those singles listening, “Are these qualities in my life?”

Then it comes back to all of us parents, because we’re the ones who are training these young people, these young men, these young women, and preparing them for marriage. I believe that one of the most important things that we do as a parent is to prepare our children for marriage. I think that’s one of the greatest things we do.

We need to keep that in our minds as we’re training our children. “Am I preparing this son of mine, and this daughter of mine, to be a godly husband, or a godly wife? One who will make a wonderful marriage and continue the godly generations?” Because if the marriage isn’t working, well, that breaks up a marriage and it breaks the chain of the godly generations.

I believe that’s why God said in His Word in Malachi, the last book of the Old Testament; in Malachi 2:16, He said: “I hate divorce.” Now God loves divorced people, but He hates the spirit of divorce because it touches the godly seed. That’s what the Word goes on to say.

The question is, what does God look for in a marriage? The answer comes ringing back: “I look for godly offspring.” That is a powerful thing, because that word “godly,” the word is literally Elohim. That word is a word that is the name of God. It’s the very first name of God which is used in the Bible. “In the beginning, God.” That word is Elohim.

Then we read in Malachi: “I want Elohim children.” Isn’t that incredible? God is looking for children, for young people, for young men, young women, who are revealing His character. This is our vision, and our mandate, as we are parenting and training our children, and preparing them first of all, for a godly marriage.

Caitlin: Yes, and I have to say, I have learned so much just by watching my mother’s example, if I can give my mom a shout-out here. I love her so much, and she’s taught me so much by her example. Both my parents, and how they live in their marriage, and how it’s such a beautiful thing. They really teach me and my siblings how they, in their marriage, honor the Lord. That’s inspiring for me. Therefore, I desire a marriage like that someday.

Nancy: So, it’s important to teach these character qualities, but the greatest way is what we show to our children. My husband just wrote this down the other day, He said: “Here’s a good quote for you, Nancy.” This is what he wrote:

“The way we love one another as husband and wife will be the greatest thing that we pass onto our children, our grandchildren, our great-grandchildren, and future generations.”

Children . . . it doesn’t matter what we say, they see. When they see that we love one another, that does so much for them. That gives them a desire to have a wonderful, godly, incredible, passionate, loving marriage themselves.

Let’s get on with these points. These are things that I believe, as a young daughter getting ready, in those years, looking for, well, waiting for that man who God will bring you to, these are some wonderful things to look for.

No. 1. A MAN WHO IS COMMITTED TO SEXUAL PURITY

The Bible speaks of virgins. A virgin young woman, a virgin young man, getting married. It’s virgins who get married, not those who are non-virgins. Of course, sadly, in this incredible, fornicating, evil world in which we live, there is much of this going on.

This is so sad. It’s so sad for a couple to come to marriage and they’re not virgins. They miss out. But then again, many of them don’t know the Lord. Then they will find God. He will save them, and forgive them, and heal them, and make them pure and holy, because He has promised to wash away our sins. “Though our sins are red like crimson, they shall be as white as snow.”

So, He may lead a man who is not a virgin, but who has come to a place of true salvation, and the washing away of his sins, and is walking in total purity. That is the thing. A man must be walking in purity, and a young woman must be walking in purity. That’s number one! Amen?

Caitlin: Yes, it’s all about the condition of the heart for sure.

Nancy: Yes.

No. 2. A MAN WHO IS FREE FROM PORNOGRAPHY

Oh goodness me, if a young man is delving in pornography, run! Run from him, because pornography destroys marriages. Sadly, there is so much in this world today, especially with all that can happen on iPhones. Young people have such access to iPhones. It is so sad.

Young people today, girls and guys, have to live in victory against all that is around them, and all that can come up on their iPhones and social media, and so on. They must live a disciplined life in this area. Hopefully, a young man may never be a victim of this awful thing which becomes such a stronghold. But if he has, you have to know that he has complete and total victory before you consider a relationship with him.

No. 3. A MAN WHO FEARS THE LORD

I love that passage in Psalm 112:1 which says: “Blessed is the man that feareth the LORD, that delighteth greatly in His commandments. His children shall be mighty upon earth: the generation of the upright shall be blessed.” I think one of the greatest blessings is to marry a man who fears the Lord, because the promise is that a man who fears the Lord will bring forth righteous generations.

You, as the wife, are going to be blessed if you marry a man who fears the Lord; not just goes to church. There was a time . . .  I was brought up in our church as a young child, and as a young teenager. We got preached from the pulpit, “You must not marry an unbeliever! You cannot be unequally yoked with an unbeliever! You must marry a believer!”

Now that is very, very good advice. But today, you need more than that, because there are so-called believers, wow, who are not really living a godly life and are not walking in the fear of the Lord. It’s more than finding some guy who goes to church, or some guy who says he’s a Christian. You’ve got to check out if he truly fears the Lord.

Caitlin: Yes, if he’s walking with the Lord. Yes, you see so many young men, men sadly in the church who are not truly walking with the Lord, and seeking His ways in everything, and surrendering everything in his life to the Lord. It’s so sad, because yes, you can’t just say, “Oh, I’ll marry a man who goes to church and is a believer,” because you have to look deeper and deeper.

Nancy: Yes, absolutely!

No. 4. A MAN WHOS LOVES GOD’S WORD

We want to try to find a man who not only believes the Bible is true. Oh, there are plenty of men around like that! Yes, they believe the Bible is true but how much do they love His Word?

How much do they actually read His Word? Do you see them having a love for the Word of God? Do you see them loving to be in the Word? When you're with them, do they want to talk about what they’ve been learning from the Word of God? You’d better check that out.

Caitlin: Right. And this goes back to what we were talking about a couple of podcasts ago. If you haven’t heard those, go back and listen for sure. We were talking about how these years of singleness are a wonderful time for us to dig deep into God’s Word, because we won’t have the unlimited access to time that we may have right now, to dig deep into God’s Word for hours on end.

It’s so important, if we want a man who is a man of the Word, then we must be women of the Word for sure, and filling our minds and our hearts with Scripture, and that it is constantly on our tongues.

Nancy: Yes, yes. I love 1 John 2:14. John is writing to the fathers, and then the young men. He says: “I have written unto you, fathers, because ye have known Him that is from the beginning. I have written unto you, young men, because ye are strong, and the word of God abideth in you, and ye have overcome the wicked one.”

That’s a beautiful picture of a young man who’s walking in the fear of the Lord and loving the Word of God. Therefore, he’s strong in the Lord. He knows how to overcome the enemy. He’s got the Word in his heart.

The Bible says in Ephesians 5:25, that one of the criteria of a husband is that he washes his wife with the Word. It says here: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word.” That’s such a beautiful picture of what a husband is to do. Well, if he doesn’t really spend much time in the Word before he’s married, is he going to do that when he’s married?

Caitlin: Right! Absolutely.

Nancy: There are so many husbands who really don’t even know how to pick up the Word. I have wives coming to me and saying, “Oh, I’d just so love to have family devotions with my family, but my husband doesn’t want to take it. He doesn’t even feel familiar with the Word of God.”

If you have a picture of what you want for your future children, and you want to be bringing them up in the ways of the Lord, well, you've got to have a husband who will lead, a father who will lead them in the ways of the Lord and have a desire to teach them in His Word.

Caitlin: Yes, I heard someone say recently that as you're seeking a husband, it’s so important to keep in mind that you, as the woman, have the power to choose your children’s father. That’s an amazing thought, when you think about it.

Your children don’t get to choose their father, but you get to be the one who makes that decision for them. You definitely want to take that into serious consideration, finding a man who would lead your family, and be a godly father, the kind of father who desires to be like Jesus, like our heavenly Father.

Nancy: I love what you said there. It’s not just choosing a husband; it’s choosing your children’s father. What kind of a father will he be? And will he be one who has such a love for God’s Word that he will teach it to his children? Amen.

No. 5. A MAN WHO LOVES TO PRAY

These are basic things, but they’re so important. I think, when you really want to get into a true courting relationship with a young man, if you know he’s not interested in prayer, he’s not someone who ever wants to go to prayer meetings . . . but if you see a young man who’s always at the prayer meetings and you hear him praying, wow! Ooh, that’s so cool!

That’s something I noticed when I began our friendship with my husband, Colin. He was a man of prayer, even back then. We’d be walking along the road and talking about something, and he’d just move into prayer. That was part of his life. It’s still part of his life. We wake up in the morning and he wakes up praying. It is such a blessing.

You’ve got to see it before you get married. You’ve got to see that in that young man, because if he’s not interested in praying now, is he going to be interested when you’re married?

Caitlin: What’s going to change?

Nancy: No, he’s not! If you cannot pray together as a couple, if that doesn’t become part of your friendship, well, is he going to do it when you're married? No. So, look for a man who loves to pray, who loves to be at prayer meetings.

I know lots of young men who are not interested in being at prayer meetings. Then I see so many of these young guys on the Hilltop, they’re going to grow into amazing young men and fathers, because they’re there at the prayer meetings and they are praying. It’s so incredible.

No. 6. A MAN WHO IS NOT A WIMP

Oh, I love that, don’t you?

Caitlin: Oh, yes! Absolutely! This world is full of grown-up boys, not really men. It’s such a tragedy, it really is.

Nancy: I think that’s one of the saddest things. I see so many beautiful girls, and some of them are getting older, into their mid-twenties, late twenties, thirties, and there are some in their forties. They’re still desperate. They haven’t found a man. It’s not easy to find a true man who is not a wimp.

In many churches today, there are young men, and they’re lovely young men. They love the Lord, but many of them, I don’t know . . . was it their parents, was it their church? Who was it who did not prepare them for marriage? But they’re in their mid-twenties, and oh yeah, they might have a girlfriend, but they are not ready to take the responsibility of getting married, or of taking on children coming into the marriage, and being open to children. Because if a couple is not open to embracing children, they’re not ready to marry!

Some of them are not even ready to take that responsibility because they’re wimps! They’re boys, as you say. We, as parents, have such responsibility. As I said before, one of our biggest things as parents is preparing our children for marriage. That is, preparing our sons to be providers, preparing them from young men, to teach them that this is their role, that they will be the provider. They’re not expecting their wife to go out and be the provider. She will be in the home, raising the children. But he will be the provider.

We’re encouraging them, even while they’re young, to get jobs, take on different things, learning to be entrepreneurs, even when they’re young, so they have that providing mentality in their brains. It’s so important!

Now, when you look at a young guy and you may be falling in love with him, he may not be a millionaire. He doesn’t have to be. He doesn’t even have to have much, but you have to see that he is a man who wants to work, and wants to provide, and not a wimp.

Caitlin: Yes, and thrive as a provider.

Nancy: In fact, many times, oh, I just love it, when we’ll have maybe a Shabbat meal, and we’re missing out on our Shabbat meal tomorrow with all the girls. We planned it. Now something else is on. Anyway, I love it, and sometimes when I have all the granddaughters and Above Rubies girls, I’ll say, “OK, let’s go round the table and share the qualities you would love in a man you’d love to marry.” They always love to talk about that.

Caitlin: Oh yes, they are some of the most beautiful conversations that we have, because everybody has something different, different ideas they bring to the table. We’ll all go, “You know what, that’s a really good point! I hadn’t thought about that, really.” So, yes, those are some amazing conversations we have.

Nancy: I usually find there’s one thing they all bring up: “I don’t want to marry a wimp!” No girl wants to marry a wimp.

Caitlin: You want a strong man, yes! Who’s going to protect and defend you.

Nancy: Oh yes! Yes. So, let’s raise men, mothers! We don’t want to raise wimps, do we?

No. 7. A MAN OF COMMITMENT

A man who you know will be committed to his marriage to the end of his days. Amen.

No. 8. A MAN WHO LOVES TO BLESS HIS FAMILY

I just mentioned our Shabbat meal. We have Shabbat every Friday night. It’s our most beautiful meal of the week when the husband blesses his wife. That is perhaps one of the main things of the Shabbat meal, where the father, the husband reads Proverbs 31. Then he blesses his wife. Then, as a father, he blesses each of his children.

That’s such a beautiful thing. To do that, he has to have that in his heart, to be a man who loves to bless, and to bless his wife, bless his children. That is really such a beautiful character of God. When we see, we go back to the beginning. I love going back to the beginning all the time. When God created male and female, who knows what is the next thing God did? What did He do?

The very first thing he did after He created them was, He blessed them. He blessed them. That’s in God’s heart. He’s a blessing God. He is our Father who wants to bless us. That should be in a man, something of the father-heart of God. We want to see some little something of that in a young man so that when he gets married, he will love to bless his wife, and love to bless his family.

Caitlin: Absolutely. And I would say part of the Shabbat is also having the children bless their mother. I think it’s so important, like you were saying, to be training up the young men in the family to be comfortable with blessing their mother first, and then also their siblings. It’s so important. Oftentimes there’s this fear that young men have of blessing, or of complimenting a young woman.

Nancy: They’re just not used to it.

Caitlin: Right. It’s just as if they’re not used to it. You’re right. It’s good for a young man.

Nancy: When they grow up in a home where they’re having a Shabbat meal, and every Friday night they’re seeing their father bless their mother and bless them. And the other part . . .  I love it when Colin reads: “Her children will rise up and call her blessed.” He will get all the children to stand up, and each one to say a blessing to their mother. It is getting all these young men already in the habit of blessing their mother.

Caitlin: It’s so good for them to already be familiar and comfortable with that.

Nancy: This is the wonderful way we’re training our children to be blessers.

No. 9. A MAN OF STRONG CHARACTER

He is not swayed by every Tom, Dick, and Harry. He’s strong in his convictions.

No. 10. A M AN WHO IS A HARD WORKER, NOT A SHIRKER

Oh yes, who wants to marry a lazy man? I don’t think any girl wants to marry a lazy man. You’re so proud when a man will be a hard worker who gets stuck in.

Caitlin: It’s so prevalent today, with everyone searching for ease and comfort. It’s very refreshing whenever you find someone, a young man or boy even who’s a hard worker, who knows how to work hard and dig deep and has a great work ethic. That always stands out to a young lady.

Nancy: Yes. Well, I think a lot of young men go to college. Some may work hard there but many go through as playboys. It takes them so many years before they have a really good job, even where they have to work hard.

But once again, it comes to training. Once again, back on us moms, back on us parents. All this comes back to us as parents. Are we training our children with a very good work ethic? And how to work hard, how to work fast. It’s not enough knowing how to work hard, it’s how to work fast. Oh, goodness me! Some know how to laze around and do it so slowly. No, we’ve got to teach them how to get stuck in, and get a job done!

Caitlin: Get after it.

Nancy: I used to love reading to my children when they were young, Cheaper by the Dozen. I wonder if you’ve read that book to your children. It’s a wonderful book. One of the things I loved was when the father . . .  every job that the children had to do in the family, he would get out his stopwatch and he would time them. “OK, now we can do it faster than that!”

They were doing the dishes. He would time them. “OK!” Next time he would time them again. Then they would work out how they could take that off the time, and that off the time, so they’d get the time down faster. Every job he would teach them how to do it faster, and also, more effectively as well. I loved that. He was really training his children.

Caitlin: Absolutely. One of my favorite quotes of yours is, “All you need is a little bit of elbow grease!” [laughter]

Nancy: Yes, yes, I have to laugh with my lovely Above Rubies girls. I’m always saying, even when we’ve finished the dishes, we’ve got to wring out the dish cloth. Many of them will press it together with their hands and it’s still full of water. I have to say, “OK, we’ve got wring out this towel!” And I can always get more water out than anybody else. Maybe not you. [laughter] So many people do things so sloppily.

As you say. I was brought up on that. Maybe you can institute that into your family if you don’t already have it. “Come on, we’re going to need some elbow grease here!” That means you get

stuck in and get going. You’re not doing it in a little wimpy way.

A GOOD MAN’S NEVER STUCK!

Now this phrase that I grew up with came down from my father and he got it from his father. That is, “A good man’s never stuck!” That is what we say. It was a Bowen saying because I was Nancy Bowen before I was married. My father constantly said those words when he had to tackle something: “A good man’s never stuck!” He would make sure he could make it work.

We taught our children that, and now even our grandchildren, all our grandchildren, they all know that phrase and they all say it. Now Arden, Serene’s son, he has started this new ministry called “Undefeated Men.” That’s the mandate of their ministry: “A good man’s never stuck!” So, it’s carried down from one, two, three, for about five generations now.

Caitlin: That’s incredible!

Nancy: Keep it going!

Caitlin: Absolutely! As you were saying, we’re preparing for generations of warriors for Christ.

Nancy:

No. 11. A MAN WHO BELIEVES IN PROVIDING FOR HIS FAMILY’

Yes, we did talk about that before, didn’t we? But the Word of God says that a man is an infidel who will not provide for his family (1 Timothy 5:8). That’s something that we train our children in, right from the very beginning.

Number 12. I don’t think we’re going to finish them in this session. We’re going to have to have another session! You can’t leave yet!

Caitlin: I can’t leave yet! No. [laughter]

Nancy:

No. 12. A MAN WHO LOVES CHILDREN

Caitlin: Oh, that’s so important.

Nancy: That’s a beautiful thing, isn’t it? I love our Above Rubies Family Retreats. All the families come from the little ones up to the big ones. You’ve got young teenage boys, and older teenage boys, and the beautiful teen girls. It’s so amazing to look around. You see these big hunks of young men. They’re really getting hunky and growing up there. And they’re carrying around their little baby brothers and sisters.

Caitlin: Sometimes one on each hip!

Nancy: I know! It’s so beautiful! They have the blessing of growing up in big families so there are little ones coming on. To see their love for their little new babies that are coming along in their family, and this may be number 11 or 12. They’re not embarrassed! They’re all carrying them around. Sometimes I’ve seen them fighting over the babies! Who’s going to carry them?

Caitlin: Oh, I see that all the time here on the Hilltop. Young men arguing over, “Oh no, it’s my turn to hold the baby!” “No, it’s my turn!”

Nancy: Yes! These young guys . . . and they’re not wimps! They’re strong young men who know how to work and know how to play. Yet, they love the babies. That’s such a beautiful thing. You know that there is a man who is going to love children.

But then today, you can go into churches, and these young men don’t even look at babies. It’s sad, because many of them have grown up in a 1.9-member family. They never had babies around. It’s not familiar to them. They haven’t been put in their hearts.

But I think that’s a very beautiful thing to see in a young man. You’re looking, wow. You’re sort of feel your heart flipping a little bit. When your heart begins to go “flippity-flippity-flop,” and it will, because this is normal. This is natural. This is how God made us. We’re definitely going to go “flippity-flippity-flop” for this man who God brings to us finally.

But if your heart is beginning to go like that, this is where you need this list, because before you give your heart away, you've got to check. Does he have these character qualities? He may not have them fully fledged and be a great man of God in every quality, but you see the seeds of the man. You see those seeds.

If you don’t see the seeds of them, well, just back off. Back off. But you can see the seeds of them there, and you can know that, yes, he’s got that in his heart. One of these is that he loves children. Amen.

Because a man must go into marriage knowing, knowing who his wife is. Many men don’t know. Many husbands don’t even know who their wives are, because God created the woman with a womb. That’s who she is. A womb-man, a woman. She has a womb.

Proverbs 30 says that there are four things that never say it is enough, that are never satisfied. One is the barren womb. A womb can cry for life. Only a woman who is crying for life knows the agony of it. Many times, her husband says, “No! Can’t have any more! Can’t afford any more!”

He doesn’t know the cruelty that he’s putting upon his wife who is desperately longing for children, because that’s how God made her! We need to know that we’re marrying a man who will be open to embracing children.

Caitlin: It’s important, like you were saying, because we are choosing our children’s father. We have to have that assurance that he’s going to have a heart for those children, and love them deeply and care for them, and have their best interests in mind, of course.

Nancy: Amen. Well, it’s time to close, so you’re not allowed to leave yet! [laughter] We’ve got to do one more, because we’ve got to finish this. This is so important. These character qualities are so important. I do have them in my files, so you're welcome to email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and say, “I’d love a copy of them.” I’d be so happy to send them to you. But we will finish talking about them next session, OK?

“May the Lord richly bless you all. Bless your marriage. Bless your families. Bless your children. Oh, God, I pray Your blessings on every mother, every family, every daughter listening. In the precious Name of Jesus. Amen.”

Blessings from Nancy Campbell

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www.aboverubies.org

Transcribed by Darlene Norris

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DON’T FORGET TO TELL OTHERS ABOUT THESE PODCASTS AND TRANSCRIPTS.

“LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell, Above Rubies”

DON’T KEEP THE BLESSINGS TO YOURSELF.

 

 

 

 

LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell

EPISODE 326: What Do You Do While You Wait for The Man of Your Dreams? Part 2

CALL YOUR TEENS AND YOUNG DAUGHTERS AGAIN TO LISTEN TO THIS SESSION. 

Caitlin continues to share her heart regarding what helps her to stay focused in her single years. We also talk about THE HOPE CHEST, or THE GLORY BOX, which we call it Down Under. Do your daughters have a Hope Chest? You’ll love to hear about this wonderful idea. 

Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, Life to The Full, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.

Nancy Campbell: Hello, ladies! Yes, we are doing another podcast with Caitlin. We’ll be talking to the young people, too, so if you’ve got your girls with you, call out. Yell at them to come. And the little girls too. They’ll want to hear everything, because there are more things to talk about. OK, Caitlin, start off!

Caitlin: Yes, yes! I wanted to mention, I didn’t mention this in the last podcast. Just the fact that God writes everyone’s story so differently. I found in my life that a person can be the greatest pillar of joys. It isn’t easy sometimes to see what another woman has. Maybe there’s just this one young woman who is even younger than you and she’s got a husband. She’s got children.

That can be hard to look at, but it’s so important to just keep your sights set on what God has for you. His timing is so divine. It’s going to be different for everybody. So, don’t compare your story with someone else’s because that will bring such discouragement.

Also, don’t feel like you were saying in the last podcast, that you have to go with the social norm, or the status quo. One season is not necessarily more important than another. Don’t become discouraged because God can use you in your season of singleness just as powerfully as He can use you in your married and mothering season. I think that’s so important to keep in mind whenever we are waiting, is that God can use us, no matter where we are in life, and to be open to His working.

Nancy: I do believe it’s so important in single years to be giving your life in ministry. I do believe it, in the home, and out of the home, because what is motherhood? Motherhood is the outpouring of your nurturing heart. That is what it is. Motherhood is far bigger than, oh, suddenly, you’re married, and a baby comes along. Now you’re a mother.

No, that’s not the absolute truth. The absolute truth is that we as females are mothers from the very beginning of our lives until we meet Jesus. There is a season of childbearing where we bear children. To be truthful, the true season of childbearing is from our later youth until menopause. Many, many women today think, “Oh, motherhood ends at 30, 35 or so.” No, the practicality of embracing children is in our childbearing years which is up to menopause.

But then, that’s not just the confining of motherhood. No, it’s our whole life, because it’s bigger than just the actual rearing of children. It is the revelation of God’s maternal heart. It is the pouring out of His heart, His nurturing heart to bless and minister to others. We start this before we are married.

Caitlin: Yes, before we are married.

Nancy: In fact, we naturally start it as little girls. I watch the little girls on the Hilltop. Sunday after church fellowship we have fellowship meals and the little girls all play together. What do they do? They do either of these two things. One, they go to the dress-up box, and they dress up like princesses.

Or they gather in the little dolls or the real babies because there are lots of real babies around. They’re holding the babies, and they’ve all got a baby. If they haven’t got a real baby, they’ve got a toy baby. They’ve all got a baby each. They are mothering. They’re playing Mommies and Daddies. They are mothering. It is in them. Nobody said, “Oh, well, you better go and play dolls.” No, no one mentions it. They just do it! Because it’s in them.

We should be continuing this. What about in our single years? This is the ultimate, not living unto yourself because this is what most young people do. They think, “Oh, this is my time of life when I live for myself, and I do what I want.” No, we already are beginning to pour out our lives for others. Do you remember this morning, one of our verses in our family devotions? Colin read it and it really popped out at me.

Caitlin: Yes.

Nancy: 1 Corinthians 10:24: “Let no man seek his own, but every man another's wealth.” That’s King James language so I looked up some other translations. Before I did that, I went to the Greek. I also do that to see the original, to find that the word “wealth” is not there. It stops there. That’s just put in.

Other translations say: “No one should seek his own good, but the good of others.”

The New Living Translation: “Don’t be concerned for your own good, but for the good of others.”

You go to Philippians 2:3: “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.” As a young person, we say, “Lord, who do You want me to bless and minister to? How do You want me to pour out my life?”

Caitlin: Right, because if we don’t have a heart for serving others and serving the Lord now, how will that switch?

Nancy: You’re not going to be prepared for motherhood. In fact, you're going to find motherhood a very big challenge.

Caitlin: Yes!

Nancy: This is the greatest preparation for motherhood. You begin to see ways to minister to others. As you pray about it, and ask God, He will open up doors. He will open up opportunities. If you're still living at home, you may want to have a Joy Time club in your home, where you bring in children to teach them about Jesus. I used to have a Joy Time club in my home.

You can have a heart for widows, to bless them and minister to them, to lonely people, to hurting people. There are so many people who are hurting and needy. Wow! You can have a great ministry! You can be a Mother Teresa before you ever find your man as you begin to pour out your life!

Caitlin: Absolutely.

Nancy: That’s really . . .  the girls, the young people who find this, who realize this, and will pray, “Lord, show me how You want me to pour out my life, they will have the greatest life, because your greatest life is pouring out your life for others.

There’s another Scripture that says that: “We no longer live unto ourselves, but unto Him, who died for us and rose again.” (2 Corinthians 5:15). We no longer live unto ourselves.

If you're living unto yourself as a young person, just having your great time, well, you're really living a selfish, boring life which is being wasted. If we do not want to waste our lives, we start pouring out our lives for others. That, as you said, will be different for every person. Some will leave to go out on a mission trip, maybe overseas. Some will minister around their own communities, reaching out to needy areas. Some will get involved in a, what do you call it? I’ve forgotten the name, where you are caring for people who are pregnant?

Caitlin: Crisis pregnancy center.

Nancy: Crisis pregnancy groups. That’s a marvelous thing to get into as a young person. There are so many areas and so many wonderful things to get involved in, to pour out your life to minister to others. Ask the Lord what He wants you to do instead of filling your life with all the things that you think you want to do.

Caitlin: Yes, yes! Just sitting idly, and waiting for your life to begin, because your life and mission begins now.

Nancy: Amen! Your life is beginning now!

Caitlin: It’s such an exciting thing, just asking the Lord, “What do You have for me? What mission do You have for my life, God?”

Nancy: Absolutely! Your greatest joy comes from serving the Lord which is serving others. The only way you can serve the Lord is to serve others. That’s how you serve the Lord. If you're not serving others, laying down your life, putting aside things that every other young person is doing. No, you're going to be ministering to those who are needy. That’s serving the Lord!

Caitlin: “As you’ve done unto the least of these, you've done unto Me.” It’s so true. I also wanted to mention, because I was talking with my dear friend Mrs. Schrum the other day about how it is so beautiful to desire marriage, and to desire motherhood, even right now. It’s tied in very well with what we’re talking about, serving others, and focusing on God’s will for your life right now.

There’s nothing wrong with desiring marriage. In fact, it’s such a good thing for women to desire marriage. We mustn’t, however, allow that desire for marriage to become an idol in our lives, and to be a stumbling block, something that prevents us from serving the Lord in our season right now, and serving others.

I think it’s easy for the enemy to get into our minds, and to distract us sometimes with the good things in life, because he’s not going to able to attract us, since we’re Christians, with the bad things, usually. He oftentimes uses those good things, those great beautiful desires in our hearts and uses that to distract us from God’s will and plan for our lives. I think it is something to be aware of, that we can see that.

Nancy: But I don’t think that will happen if you're pouring out your life for others. It will not happen because that’s what you're focused on. I always say the greatest way to find the man that God has for you, or for God to bring him to you, because that is more scriptural.

Actually, if you go to Genesis, the pattern for everything is in the beginning of the Word of God, even in the first three chapters of Genesis. You find the pattern. We see here, when God created the woman, what was the first thing He did? It says in Genesis 2:22: “And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman,” and what did God do?

What was the first thing that He did when He made that woman? I wonder if anybody knows. You’re listening. Do you know?

Let me tell you. The first thing He did . . . He brought the woman to the man. That is the most beautiful thing. That was the first thing God did. He brought the woman to the man. That is God’s heart for you.

Young person, if you are listening, God will bring you to the man that He has chosen for you. The best way for that to happen is to be in the perfect will of God. If you are walking in His will, at that perfect moment you're going to meet that person! God is going to bring him to you, in the midst of your serving Him, and laying down your life for others. That’s just how it happens. You don’t have to go looking for him, getting in desperation, waiting for him. No, you pour out your heart. Be who God created you to be. Be the woman He created you to be.

By the way, be a woman, because the Bible says: “He brought the woman to the man.” The woman, the woman that He created. She was a woman, a female. She was not like a man. She was the opposite to the man. Do not try to be like a man. Be in every way the woman God wants you to be. Be female. Be feminine. Be everything God wants you to be as a woman because He’s bringing the woman to the man. That’s who He wants to bring to the man. He will do that, if you are walking in His perfect will.

Caitlin: Yes, I think as women, it’s so important to remember that our strength is in our dependency, our dependency upon the Lord. And then, eventually, our dependency will also be on our husbands. We, as women, are not to be completely and totally independent as the world may try to tell us. Dependency can be a beautiful thing.

Nancy: Yes, it is a glorious thing. Now, our time is going again. There’s something you mentioned to me, and I’d love to talk about it. That you also have a Hope Chest that you are preparing for one day when God brings this man into your life. Tell me about how you do that.

Caitlin: As I mentioned, it is such a beautiful thing, to hope and to dream, and to desire a godly man. In those years of waiting and preparation, I love to prepare with a Hope Chest. A Hope Chest is something that my mother had when she was a young woman, dreaming and preparing for her future husband and family. It’s something that’s been done for generations. But it’s something that’s lost today. It really is. Not many young ladies know about what a Hope Chest is, so I often find myself explaining this to young women. But it’s such a beautiful thing.

I have a chest in my room. It’s got beautiful scrollwork and everything. I asked if I could use it as a little seating nook. I do my Bible reading on the top of it. I sit on it. It’s like my little seating area. But it opens up the top and I fill it with all the little things that I want to store away for someday, whenever God brings a man into my life, and I become a wife, and eventually a mother, and have a home of my own.

I fill the box with things that I will need someday in setting up my future home. I have dishes and measuring cups, and I have linens, and china, and different things that have been given to me, maybe, or I like to find things at Goodwill. I store them away for someday. It helps me to keep my sights set on, “OK, God, You have a beautiful plan for me, and someday this may come to fruition.”

I pray over each of the items that I put in there. As I put all the items in there, I pray for my future husband. I pray for my future family. I pray for that day to come. I think that’s also so important, is to pray right now, in your youth, in your years of waiting, for your future spouse, because that man is going to need prayer. We need to pray that he’s seeking after the Lord right now and that he is being prepared for your future family, to be the leader in the home, the spiritual leader that God has called him to be. And that his heart will be ready for you, whenever that time comes.

I think that’s so important, to pray over him, and then pray over your future children as well, because like you said, the future generations, that’s what it’s all about, is raising these generations for Christ. But back to the Hope Chest, yes, that’s been something that I’ve really enjoyed, and it might be something that some other young women want to do.

Nancy: I’m so glad that you brought that up, Caitlin, because if you don’t have a Hope Chest, I’d love you to think about it. It is such a beautiful thing, which was, as you say, was done for generations, and is being lost today. In America, you call it a “Hope Chest.” In fact, I was reading, actually many years ago, that it used to be called a “wedding chest,” or sometimes a “dowry chest.” Then it became known as the “Hope Chest,” but not Down Under, where we come from.

Down Under, in New Zealand, where we were born and raised, of course that’s of English origin. Back in England, Australia, New Zealand, we call it the “Glory Box.” I love “Hope Chest,” because it gives you hope of all that’s to come, but also the “Glory Box” is also wonderful, thinking of the glory of getting married and raising a family.

Caitlin: Yes, the glory of womanhood.

Nancy: I love that. I actually did write a little poem about the Glory Box, because when I was giving a Glory Box to some of my older grand-daughters, we purchased cedar boxes for them. They have a beautiful, lovely aroma which is lovely for everything that you put in them. Let me read to you what I wrote.

I dream of the day I’ll walk down the aisle,

In a beautiful dress, with an amazing style.

I pray for my man, that he’ll be righteous and true.

Hardworking, faithful, and really true-blue.

I pray he’ll love children and have a father’s heart.

And from our marriage covenant never depart.

I will wait with patience for this godly man,

And while I’m waiting, I’ll prepare and plan,

I’ll make myself ready in every way,

Purifying my heart and character each day.

                                                 I’ll seek to be honest in all that I say

To keep my marriage from going astray.

I’ll fill my Glory Box with wares for my home,

To make it a place from where we’ll never roam.

I will gather treasures useful and rare,

To make our home a place that is fair.

I will be ready to make my home a delight,

Filled with God’s presence, His love, and light.

Enhanced by the assets I save in this chest,

To make our home a glory, the very best.

 

Caitlin: That’s so beautiful!

Nancy: It’s a great idea to save things. These are some of the things you’ve already mentioned. Some things that you can put in your Hope Chest, or your Glory Box. You mentioned linens, tablecloths. I think it’s lovely when you find some beautiful tablecloths to put away, because I think tablecloths are very, very precious in the home. The table is the heart of the home, and I think it’s a wonderful thing to even dream about it.

When you go into marriage, you’re going to make your table a very special place. Even when you start off with just your husband and you. One day it will grow, and there will be little ones all around your table and bigger ones. And you’ll get a bigger table. But to start off with knowing that the table is special. God sees it as special. A tablecloth is a beautiful thing.

In Proverbs it tells us that the wise woman sets her table. She makes it beautiful. You can often go to different places, even maybe a Goodwill, and you’ll see a beautiful tablecloth, something that’s different, something that’s special. Well, that’s a beautiful thing to put away in your Glory Box that you’ll be able to bring out one day.

Caitlin: I have a tablecloth. I have several items. Actually, I was going through my grandmother’s old things, and she was letting me take things to put into my Hope Chest. So, I have a tablecloth in there, a hand-embroidered tablecloth. Little things like that are so special.

Nancy: And that’s coming down the generations.

Caitlin: Yes! Little things like that. Keep your eyes open for those, ladies, because they’re so special. Someday, you’ll set your table, and you’ll be able to think of all the generations of women who set their tables before you.

Nancy: You’ll get gifts for your wedding, so you’ll get gifts. But there are special things. When people buy wedding gifts, they usually order them off the registry and so on. But the things that you're looking for are very special and unique, things that nobody is going to buy. You’re going to get them, and it makes them so special, doesn’t it?

Caitlin: Yes!

Nancy: We need aprons. Yes, special, glorious aprons that you can have, because aprons wear out. Oh goodness me, if you look at my aprons, wow! I’ll get a beautiful apron but it’s not long before it’s all dirty. I wash it, but it’s still got all those stains on it. I need aprons, because if I didn’t wear aprons, I’d really dirty my clothes.

Caitlin: Right! I love aprons! I love keeping them as a uniform of the homemaker. I use aprons now in my work that I do at home, as a homemaker-in-training.

Nancy: Yes, and sewing kits. Little treasures that you think would be beautiful to have in your home. And recipes. Even inspiration and so forth. All kinds of things. It’s a lovely idea. It made me think of an article I printed in Above Rubies years ago.

I don’t think any of you would even remember it. It was written by Val Stares. Val Stares is the Director of Above Rubies in Australia. Van has been with me in the ministry of Above Rubies from the very, very beginning. We’ve been doing it for 47 years now.

We started it in New Zealand, and I’ll never forget the day when I was up at the hospital, visiting a friend. Her little boy was sick in the hospital. Val was there, and I said to her, “Val! We are going to begin a magazine to get out across the nation to encourage mothers and homemakers!” She looked at me with this blank stare, wondering what on earth I was talking about. Her name is “Stares.” Well, she gave me just this blank stare!

I didn’t even know that that morning she had said to the Lord, “If Nancy Campbell comes up with any more of her great ideas, I’m not getting involved!” I was always getting her involved in things. Well, she got involved and she’s still involved today!

But I would ask that you pray for her. I’ve just heard that Val, although she’s still seeking to look after Above Rubies, is actually bedridden at the moment. She can’t lift her arms, and she can’t lift her feet. She really does need a prayer of healing and deliverance. Pray for her. Those of you listening in Australia, maybe you can contact Val and encourage her in some way.

Well, anyway, Val wrote this article years ago about her eldest granddaughter when she became 13. Val thought, “We’re going to do something different, something special.” So, Val and her daughter Natalie got together, and they decided they would have, because it’s Down Under, they would have a Glory Box party. Val’s husband, who is the most amazing guy with wood, made this beautiful, beautiful Glory Box for her.

Then they decided to have a surprise party. It was a surprise Glory Box party. They were going to have a special celebration for her 13^th birthday, but they didn’t tell her what it was going to be. Everybody else knew, and they were all bringing special gifts for her Glory Box.

Caitlin: Oh, that’s a beautiful idea!

Nancy: And also, along with that, inspiration and blessings for her coming marriage one day that she could have. Some special friend said, “OK, we’re taking you out to a restaurant. We’re driving you.” So, they took her in the car, and she was dressed up, because they knew it was going to be a formal thing. They were driving around. They played loud music to try to confuse her. They drove all around.

Eventually they arrived back home because it was in the home. She comes in and sees all her friends here. Not just her friends her age, but the mothers. And there is the beautiful Glory Box. They had a beautiful formal dinner, gloriously set tables, and speeches. Then they gave her all the gifts for her Glory Box.

Caitlin: That’s so precious!

Nancy: Wasn’t that a beautiful thing to do. for a 13^th birthday?

Caitlin: Yes!

Nancy: Now, ladies, wow! Mothers, some of you might like to take that up. Maybe you want to do it for your daughter’s 16^th birthday, or even her 18^th birthday. But Val thought, “Wow, let her get started early on her 13^th birthday!”

Caitlin: It’s never too early to start dreaming, and planning, and preparing for the future. One thing I love that you said was that the women brought wisdom. Ladies, I want to tell you that it’s been so important to me, in these years of preparation, to have women, older women who have a wealth of knowledge like Nana here. She’s just pouring into my life.

I like to say I have the Hope Chest of my mind, where I store away little tips and tidbits of information that I’m keeping for that day. Because, yes, you may be listening to an older mother talking about how she mothers her children, or how she likes to do this or that or the other, like preparing her table.

You may be thinking, “That doesn’t apply to me right now.” But take note, because someday it will. It will be so important, and you will wish that you had taken note of those things, those little bits of wisdom in your youth, so that you can then apply it in your life as a mother. That’s something that I love to encourage young ladies to do, is to find others who are wise, and who they look up to, who are mothers and wives, and really glean from their wealth of knowledge and wisdom.

Nancy: Oh, yes! Yes. That is so wonderful. And how’s our time, girls? How are we going? Oh, we’re getting close, aren’t we? Anyway, please, I hope that if you aren’t already getting your daughters . . . It’s not really something they can get themselves. It’s usually something parents will get for their daughters. That’s something lovely you can think about, even for a special birthday, I think that’s so wonderful.

Caitlin: I think my parents gave me my Hope Chest when I was about 15 years old. And that was something that my mother’s parents had given her as well. That’s just such a special thing.

Nancy: Before we close this session, Caitlin and I actually think we’re going to do one more session, because there’s something else I want to ask you. I think it may take the whole session, but if you've got anything else in your heart to share as we close this session.

Caitlin: Oh, yes. I think it’s so important, like we’ve been saying, in all things, surrender it all to God. Your hopes, your dreams, your desires as a young woman. Surrender it all to the Lord. It’s OK to cry out to the Lord, even if tears come, because it is such a burning desire in our hearts as women.

But seek after His will wholeheartedly and ask Him what it is He wants to teach you during this time. Ask Him to prepare your heart for that season of marriage and motherhood later on. Don’t be afraid to make your requests known to God. Don’t feel guilty for desiring motherhood. Don’t feel guilty for desiring a husband.

Nancy: That’s normal!

Caitlin: It’s so normal! In fact, he loves to tell us, put that little feeling in the corner. Don’t worry about desiring that now.

Nancy: We’re allowed to dream about it.

Caitlin: Allow yourself to dream, and to hope, and to plan for the future, because it’s such a natural God-given desire. It’s healthy for us, as women.

Nancy: It’s part of being a woman.

Caitlin: Yes, and to revel and glory in that.

Nancy: We glory in these womanly things. We don’t cast them aside.

One more session, because it will be an important one. It will take a whole session, I think. Let’s pray.

And we’ve got to hurry because we’re all going to the THM Café for lunch today. We’ve got people waiting to get in the car.

Caitlin: Haven and Gedi waited for us.

Nancy: “Dear Father, we thank You again that we can talk about these beautiful things, Lord God, because they’re how You made us. I pray that You will bless all the young people, the children, and the beautiful mothers listening today, Lord God.

“I pray, Father, for all the beautiful young godly women who are seeking to walk in Your ways. I pray that You will bring godly young men into their lives, Lord God. Oh Father, I ask that You will, in Your wonderful, wonderful way, that You will bring these godly men, and You will cause them, Lord, to find them in that perfect time, just as you did at the very beginning. You brought the woman to the man.

“We pray that you’ll bring these beautiful young ladies, Lord, to the man that You have chosen, a man who loves you with all his heart. We ask You for this in the Name of Jesus. Amen.”

Blessings from Nancy Campbell

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www.aboverubies.org

Transcribed by Darlene Norris

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